I recently saw a shirt as I was browsing through stuff online that said "Speak your truth" and this really touched me. One of the most important things I have gained through recovery is my voice. Do I still have trouble finding it and/or using it sometimes? Yes, of course. Recovery is no where near perfect, so let it go when you mess up. What is important is that I am learning to use it and practicing the skill when I can. Sometimes that means saying the hard things when I think it might make someone mad, or sad, or disappoint someone. It's standing up for what I believe in and knowing that I am worthy enough to share my thoughts with others.
When I was in my eating disorder, I did not want to admit that my childhood had affected me in very serious ways. That what I have gone through has had an effect on the way I live my life and cope- and that way of coping (ED) was not working anymore. A big reason for this was that I would always say "Yes, this happened to me in childhood, but somebody else has it worse. I can't complain".
I'm here to tell you today that YES YOU CAN. Just because something affected you that may not have affected someone else doesn't mean it didn't affect you! It is your truth and nobody else's and you can SPEAK THAT TRUTH. I was so sick of comparing myself to others- my sister went through the same thing and she doesn't have an eating disorder. Or so and so had it so much worse and they still eat normally. There is nothing wrong with you for having something affect you in a certain way. The beautiful part of life is that every one is different, so even if they share an experience, they will experience it different.
That doesn't make you wrong. Or less than. Something that comforted me a lot when I would feel guilty for developing an eating disorder is something one of the therapists at my center told me- "You did the best you could with the tools you had at the time. Now, you can get the tools to handle things differently."
Don't beat yourself up for having a screwdriver when you needed a hammer. Practice speaking your truth. Practice telling your story- the good, the bad, and the ugly. Practice accepting where you were and how it affected you. Add speaking your truth to your tool bag, so that the next time you need it, you'll have the right tools.
