The other day I was eating a Poptart and noticed that I eat Poptarts really weird. It reminded me of when I first started eating in treatment and all the sudden my food rituals increased like crazy. I had some before, but all the sudden I had a rule for almost every food I ate. I felt like my ED was so mad that I was eating that it decided to give me rules about every food I ate.
If you don't know what a food ritual is, or haven't heard this term, its basically any weird rule that your ED makes you follow. If you don't follow it, you feel like something awful will happen. These can be as broad as not eating carbs, or as specific as cutting your banana a certain way or making sure you eat your vegetables first. Or even stirring your cereal a lot to avoid actually taking a bite. The list goes on an on and is completely individualized. But it all has one thing in common: it makes you feel like shit if you don't do it.
If you are dealing with the stress of food rituals, it can be exhausting and I feel you. Remember: NORMAL PEOPLE DO NOT EAT THAT WAY. THEY DO NOT THINK THAT MUCH ABOUT HOW THEY EAT THEIR FOOD. And then make a list. Write down all your food rituals, from the big ones to the teeny tiny ones. Start small. Give yourself one challenge a week. Do the opposite of your food ritual. It will suck. It will be uncomfortable and feel awful. But you will realize the world did not crumble around you. The more you challenge these rituals, the more confident you will become and eventually you will be able to eat ritual free.
P.S. If you have any requests for blog topics or questions about me an my recovery, feel free to comment or send me a message. I'd love to hear what you need!! <3