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How I Started to Accept My Face

Ugh it has been WAYYY to long since my last post (almost a month!). This past month has been a whirlwind of traveling, moving, and holiday events, but now that I am finally settled (ish), I will be able to get back to blogging more regularly.

So the other day I was getting ready for work, and I thought about how much I used to actually hate my face. And it inspired me to write a blog post on how I started to accept my face.

So when I say I used to hate my face I mean i HATED it. So I did what any teenage girl would do and started wearing makeup. And at first it was fun to play with makeup. It allowed me to be creative and have fun. I want to preface this post by saying there is NOTHING wrong with loving makeup or wearing makeup all the time, as long as it is for the right reasons: because you love makeup, not because you hate how you look.

Anywhooo, back to my high school self who would pile on the eyeliner. By the time I was in college, I didn't go a day without makeup if I was in public. Actually, most of the time even if I didn't leave the house, I'd put makeup on. And I didn't really see this as a problem, until I met my college boyfriend. When he would stay over I would wake up in the morning before he woke up, throw on some makeup, and then lay back down and pretend I woke up like that.

Now even then I knew I was crazy and that wasn't normal, but I seriously hated my face so much I couldn't stand to let anyone see me without my safety blanket- my makeup. When I met my now husband, I got a little better. He was allowed to see me with no make up and I would even skip putting on makeup if I was just hanging around the house that day, but I still couldn't go into public without it. Makeup was no longer fun or creative, it was a chore. And I thought that I looked weird and ugly without it.

One day about 3 months after I discharged from treatment, I decided that I HATED wearing makeup. I couldn't just stop cold turkey, though. I thought my face looked too odd without it. So i started little by little. First I stopped wearing blush. Then lip stuff. Then eyeshadow. Then eyeliner. Until I finally got to just cover up and mascara. I still use coverup to this day because I do have some acne scars I am self conscious of. I also use mascara because i LOVE mascara because I have long eyelashes that I like to show off.

Now, I don't feel weird when I look at my no make up face. It looks so much closer to my "every day" face. I no longer hate my face, but i accept it. I even think I look pretty sometimes (shocked face!) I leave the house without make up if I feel like it now. I went to a wedding recently and only wore coverup and mascara and was so proud of myself. Being able to accept myself without makeup was a huge step in my journey to recovered, as well as a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. If you love makeup, rock it girl. But always remember, you are naturally beautiful. YOU are naturally bad ass. <3


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