It's been a little bit since I've posted something. I was visiting Michigan last week and in the chaos didn't get a chance to write. The last couple weeks have been some of the most stressful weeks of my life, and I'm anticipating the next few weeks to be just as stressful with our move back to Nashville, Tennessee coming up next month. This means that I have felt super overwhelmed, so Ed has been able to butt in with ideas to make me feel more in control (and none of these ideas would be helpful, mind you). What has been SUPER helpful is listening to the Spotify playlist that I have put together that I call my ED playlist. I will share that playlist here, but I also wanted to give those of you that don't have Spotify a list of songs that are on it. And since I LOOOVEEEE words, I'm going to include my favorite line(s) from each song that speak to me and are the reasons I added that song to my list. Enjoy!
Rabbit Hole-Blink 182
"Dear head, shut up. I can't listen no more. It's late, so shut up. Is one night too much to ask for?"
Eraser- Ed Sheeran
"I think life has got to the point I know without it's no fun. I need to get in the right mind and clear myself up."
What Do I Know? -Ed Sheeran
"Just remember life is more than fittin' in your jeans. It's love and understanding, positivity"
Bibia Be Ye Ye- Ed Sheeran
"I tell myself in every way, 'I won't be doing this again' and tomorrow's a brand new day. Someone told me, 'always say what's on your mind' and I am only being honest with you, I get lonely and make mistakes from time to time"
Save Myself- Ed Sheeran
"Life can get you down so I just numb the way it feels. I drown it with a drink and out-of-date prescription pills and all the ones that love me they just left me on the shelf, no farewell. So before I save someone else, I've got to save myself."
1-800-273-8255- Logic, Alessia Cara, Khalid
"I been on the low. I been taking my time. I feel like I'm out of my mind. It feel like my life ain't mine. Who can relate?"
Still Breathing- Green Day
"Am I bleeding, am I bleeding from the storm? Just shine a light into the wreckage, so far away, away. 'Cause I'm still breathing. 'Cause I'm still breathing on my own"
Everything is Alright- Motion City Soundtrack
"I used to rely on self-medication. I guess I still do that from time to time. But I'm getting better at fighting the future, 'Someday you'll be fine..' Yes, I'll be just fine."
Me, You and My Medication- Boys Like Girls
"We're all looking for something, to take away the pain"
Shake It Off- Secondhand Serenade
"Cause looking at the good life isn’t in the cards for you. You need a cheat sheet on this never ending test. You got the key and lost it and now you left a second guess. Waiting on the love that hasn’t found you yet, no. If you feel so alone, let it go. Come on, just shake it off"
Skyscraper- Demi Lovato
"All my windows still are broken, but I'm standing on my feet"
"Yeah, it's a long way down, but I am closer to the clouds up here"
Scars To Your Beautiful- Alessia Cara
"You know, Covergirls eat nothing. She says beauty is pain and there's beauty in everything. What's a little bit of hunger? I could go a little while longer, she fades away..."
She's Out Of Her MInd- Blink 182
"She said no I'm not, no I'm not, no I'm not alright. I lost my head on the door"
"She's a-a-a-antisocial"
"She said babe I'm sorry but I'm crazy tonight"
Pretty Hurts- Beyonce
"You're a pretty girl. What's in your head it doesn't matter"
"Pretty hurts. Shine the light on whatever's worse. Perfection is the disease of a nation. Pretty hurts. Shine the light on whatever's worse. Tryna fix something, but you can't fix what you can't see. It's the soul that needs the surgery"
"You left a shattered mirror and the shards of a beautiful girl"
26-Paramore
"Hold onto hope if you got it" and basically the whole song. Check out my blog post on this song here.
Grown-Slang
"You don't know who you are until you're grown"
You're Always Loved- Golden
"I’ll be there, when your strength is now all gone, and you need someone to lean on. Even when you stop loving yourself, I’ll be there to help. And when you’re giving up, just know you’re always loved."
Back to Beautiful- Sofia Carson, Alan Walker
"They say you're not good enough, you're not brave enough, you should cover up your body. Tell me watch my weight gotta paint my face or else no one's gonna want me. Why do we say this to ourselves? And even worse to each other?"
Pretty Girl- Maggie Lindemann, Cheat Codes, CADE
"And you see me holding up my middle finger to the world. Fuck your ribbons and your pearls 'cause I'm not just a pretty girl"
"Some days I'm broke, some days I'm rich. Some days I'm nice, some days I can be a bitch. Some days I'm strong, some days I quit. I don't let it show, but I've been through some shit"
"I'm more than just a number"
Heavy- Linkin Park, Kiiara
"I don't like my mind right now. Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary. Wish that I could slow things down. I wanna let go but there's comfort in the panic and I drive myself crazy"
"Holding on. So much more than I can carry. I keep dragging around what's bringing me down. If I just let go, I'd be set free. Holding on. Why is everything so heavy?"
"It's not like I make the choice to let my mind stay so fucking messy"
human- Christina Perri
"I can fake a smile. I can force a laugh. I can dance and play the part if that’s what you ask. Give you all I am. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. But I’m only human"
"I can take so much until I’ve had enough"
Penelopieces- Jason Wade
"When her world came crashing down, she'd find a way"
"She was a special kind of girl in her dark and jaded world"
Sorry-Halsey
"Don't realize how mean I can be 'cause I can sometimes treat the people that I love like jewelry"
"Sorry that I can't believe that anybody ever really starts to fall in love with me"
"I run away when things are good"
Wild Horses- Birdy, Sam Feldt
"I will survive and be the one who's stronger"
"Our human hearts forget how strong they are and they get lost along the way. Hey, it's not giving up, it's letting go and moving to a better place"
Anziety- Logic, Lucy Rose
"I'ma get up in your mind right now. Make you feel like dying right now. I'ma make you pray to God, to the good old Lord for a sign right now"
"The doctor said it was anxiety. But how could it be anxiety? How could anxiety make me physically feel off balance? How could anxiety make me feel as though I was fading from this world and on the brink of death?"
"I'm so in control of my mind and my body but I'm subconsciously forcing myself into a state of self bondage entangled by the ropes of my own mind"
"We will remember despite the attacks and constant feeling of our mind and body being on the edge that we are alive. And any moments we have free of this feeling we will not take for granted. We will rejoice in this gift that is life. We will rejoice in this day that we have been given. We will accept our anxiety and strive for the betterment of ourselves starting with mental health. We will accept ourselves as we are and we will be happy with the person we see in the mirror. We will accept ourselves and live with anxiety"
Here is the link to my Spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/lexirobinson1024/playlist/0PCLyf3ihaIQiShbG2rtdU
What are some songs that have helped you through your eating disorder and recovery? Feel free to comment and share!!
Peace and Love <3