Weight Restoration
- Lex
- Sep 18, 2017
- 3 min read
I was recently thinking about one of the hardest times I had in treatment. A little over a year ago, while still in treatment, I went to California to visit my younger brother. I had just started restoring weight. On the way home, I was going straight from the airport to my IOP group. I had already gotten rid off Facebook at this time, but my brother had posted a picture of us thanking me for the visit so my husband showed me via his Facebook. It was the first time I had seen a picture of myself since I had begun to restore weight. I was shook to my core. At IOP that night, we did a mirror exercise in which we stand in front of the mirror and say objective things about our appearance (e.g. I have brown eyes, I'm wearing glasses, my eyes are about an inch apart) and I lost it. I couldn't do it. I cried and cried and cried. I absolutely hated myself in that moment. Weight restoration is fucking HARD. That's why I decided this week to share some tips that got me through.

1. Your weight will redistribute!!
I remember before I even gained weight, my dietician explained to me that when your body starts to restore weight, your body will try to protect your vital organs first, which guess what? are all in your torso. So especially for me, who's biggest trouble spot is my stomach, it is super, super hard when you start restoring weight and your stomach bloats and gains all the weight first. Keep telling yourself it is normal and it will redistribute! It may take a couple months but I swear to you it happens! It doesn't stay in your gut forever. Also, in treatment and I learned about Ganesh, a Hindu god, who had a big belly because he was full of experience- which helped me remember that I am experiencing a lot more now that I am healthy.

2. Write out/Say out loud reappraisals.
I was told all this when I was in treatment a million times and I remember the first time I actually did it. I was taking my dog for a walk around the time of my weight restoration and was having horrible thoughts. So when I got home, I took out my journal and actually did this. On one side of the page I wrote out every bad thought I had (e.g. I'm too fat to be walking down the street, Every one's looking at me) and then on the other side I wrote out a reappraisal for every single thought (e.g. I deserve to walk down the street no matter what size I am, My dog is so cute, every one is looking at him, not me)
This helped SOOO much, but turned out to not always be practical because sometimes I was out and couldn't get to a journal any time soon. So I started saying my thoughts and reappraisals out loud to my husband. I would say "I feel that I am gross because I ate too much, but my worth is not in my waistband, right?" This was helpful in 2 ways, first Stephen would affirm my reappraisal. Second, it allowed me to see how crazy my original thoughts were {I can feel the ice cream I just ate turning into fat as we speak) and for Stephen to validate that the thought was indeed crazy sauce.

3. Remind yourself why being this weight is important!
When it would get really bad I would remind myself of reasons that I wanted to recover or things that have changed since I restored weight that made my life easier. For instance, I suddenly wasn't getting dizzy every time I stood up. I could cook normally again (something I love to do). I had more energy. I could pay attention to a conversation. I wanted to be this weight so I can get my heart working normally again. I wanted to graduate school and become a BCBA. I wanted to have kids. I wanted to have kids who didn't think body image was important. I wanted to be able to go out to eat with my husband.
Remember: ED will get louder during this time. You are betraying it for the first time in probably years! He will fight back. But you are stronger. Your reasons for getting healthy are stronger than ED's reason for staying sick. Use them to fight! You are a strong bitch! <3

Peace and love<3
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