This week I got a new tattoo in honor of my eating disorder recovery. I love tattoos (this is my fifth one) and I definitely wanted one to symbolize my eating disorder on my body. Why? Because it was a huge part of my life, and it will always affect who I am. It made me stronger, smarter, and who I am today (and will influence who I am still becoming). So I wanted to share my new tattoo and the story behind it. It's a concept I created all on my own, although I did not draw it because my drawing skills are lacking.
First off, the concept is really centered around Beauty and the Beast. Beauty and the Beast was my very first Disney movie as a child, and one of my very favorites my entire life. And of course the whole moral of the story in that movie is very relevant.... you are lovable no matter what you look like on the outside. It's the inside that counts. My tattoo starts with a mirror, very similar to the one in the movie, broken, symbolizing my lack of needing a mirror to tell me my worth now. The broken pieces of the mirror are strewn across, and eventually make their way into a beautiful rose, very similar to the one in the movie, but made out of glass. My ED may have shattered me, but throughout recovery, I have put myself back together, piece by piece, to make something more beautiful than I was before. Also, most of the tattoo is in black and white, until halfway up the rose, signifying the black and white thinking the eating disorder gives you, and the vibrant colors your life can be when you let go. Lastly, which you can't really see from this picture, in the center of the rose is the eating disorder awareness symbol. And my crazy need for symbolism in every aspect doesn't stop there. While it may seem obvious why it's on my belly, why exactly did I chose my belly? To start with,my stomach is the one part of my body I have hated the most, throughout my ED, throughout weight restoration, and even throughout recovery. So I figured why not put a constant reminder on there of why it is beautiful? Then every time those negative thoughts start in, I can look at my tattoo and remember how far I've come and see the beauty in it. Also, I have a very vivid memory of being in high school and a friend of a friend getting a tattoo on her stomach. My mom went on and on about how when she gets pregnant it will stretch out and "ruin" her stomach. So of course this thought, years later, entered my head when I decided to get this tattoo. And then I thought FUCK IT. If my tattoo gets all stretched out, then it will be even MORE beautiful because it is a reminder that a.) my stomach is beautiful no matter what it's been through and b.) I am an amazingly beautiful human and my stomach looks that way because I BROUGHT A LIFE INTO THIS WORLD. What is more beautiful than that? After not having a period for over a year while having my ED, I will be so grateful to have a child that I do not care what my stomach looks like.
tl;dr: Be creative with your recovery. Draw, paint, write something, get a tattoo, whatever you need to remind yourself that you are beautiful and recovery is worth it.
Also, 10 points to Hufflepuff (yes, I'm a Hufflepuff) for being able to post a picture of my stomach online. This is a big accomplishment for me. #celebratethelittlethings